Christian, Motherhood, The Great Move

Breathe Life Into It

This past Sunday, Dakota and I went down to pray for direction. As you know G-d has asked for a bit of blind faith from us lately, with moving to California, then not finding a place and now living a vagabond lifestyle. We’ve just been searching for some clarity on what our next steps, so when it was time for prayer in the service, we went down to pray. The couple that prayed with us are like a another set of parents for us. Before praying, the man said that the day before he was reading Ezekiel and the scripture of the valley of dry bones. He pointed out that there was different layers of prophecy Ezekiel had to speak out before the bones came to life. He had to command the bones to rejoin, then he had to command the wind to breathe life into the bones.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been working at making the work I’ve been doing profitable. I’ve been grinding my butt off reading, studying, investing and trying to make this blog, coaching, influencer work into income. There are a few reasons for this goal. The first is the calling. I hear a calling to help bring peace and joy into lives, for awhile I had the broad idea of women, but I’ve come to realize that my heart is for mamas, specifically new mamas struggling mentally with motherhood. This is a struggle I have, so if I can help other mamas deal with it and learn to not let it control them that’s what I’ll do. The second reason is to provide for my little family. Dakota and I have always struggled financially in our marriage. We’ve always busted our butts trying to make ends meet and get to the goal of stability. Now, we’ve always been taken care of (G-d is so good to us) and we’ve got a good safety net for family, but I don’t want to depend on my family as much as we do.

I feel a sense of responsibility to take care of our family on our own. I desire to be able to let Dakota live out his dreams of music and cooking, while I work on my dream of writing, public speaking and coaching. I desire for us to live our the purpose and calling that has been placed on us, but life has been throwing hurdles at us.

Back to work I’ve been doing, this morning when I woke up I heard “breathe life into it.” Now, I’ve been asking for wisdom on what that means because I thought I was doing that – rejoining bones and breathing life into my work. But have I? I’ve been so focused on trying to do everything myself. I’ve been trying REALLY hard to control all of this business when I don’t know it all. I’ve tried to learn, enrolled in a few classes, struggled and I’m still left with a pile of bones.

So, I’m thinking the answer is to let go. You know, I have friends who have degrees in the areas that I am so lost in. Why have I not reached out to them for help? Why don’t I get a team behind me that helps lift me up, but I in turn can help lift up myself? I’m trying so hard to work towards the joy and abundance promised me through the work that brings me the most joy and clarity, why keep it all to myself?

Maybe that’s the missing link. I need to allow life to be brought into this business and ministry. I need to allow it to be the community I see it being. I need to work with and collaborate. We are not meant to do this alone, so why continue struggling to do it alone?

For you, if you’re struggling with something that you’ve been really working on, I advise reading Ezekiel 37. Read it and step back to take a different look at the situation, do you have just a pile of bones? Do you need to breathe life into the situation? Do you need to ask for help? It’s not weak to ask for help. It’s not a sign of stupidity to acknowledge that you don’t know something. It’s acceptable to ask someone who knows more than you to work alongside you. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Allow yourself the freedom and liberty of collaborating with someone.

Christian, Motherhood, The Great Move

We made it out to California, now what?

A little over a week ago, we left the comfort of my hometown to do what we felt G-d calling us to do – move to California. We left Friday, May 3 heading towards Grand Junction, CO to stay with our friends for a couple of nights, then off to California Sunday, May 5.

We had barely any money left and absolutely no idea what we were going to do or go when we got there. Yet, we went and trusted that it would work out.

Sunday through Wednesday were the most difficult days of my life. They tested me to a point of desperation. We ran out of money by the time we got to California and we were looking at having to sleep in our car. We didn’t know what to do. It seemed that as soon as we drove into California, the Spirit left us. We didn’t have any direction. We felt lost.

That first night, we spent our last bit of money on one night in a hotel room. Funny enough, we were upset with G-d for bringing us to California and then leaving us. What’s funny is, the original hotel room we were going to stay in wasn’t good. It was one of those cheap motels that you don’t sleep well at because the mattress stinks, but also because the doors face outside and it doesn’t feel safe. When that place didn’t pan out, I thought, “so the car it is, great. Thanks, G-d.”

With a turn of events, we ended up staying the night in a much better, safer hotel. We were able to sleep soundly because the mattress was uber comfy and the hotel was secure. We still had no idea what we were doing out in California though, even more, how we were going to stay. Dakota went to the few job interviews he had, which don’t seem to have produced any fruit, but most of the time we were there was spent in the car. We tried to explore but didn’t really know where to go. It was getting close to the end of the day and we didn’t have any money for a hotel room, no one we had reached out to for a place to stay had replied back. We ended up going to a homeless shelter that has a back to work program. We were desperate, but we didn’t feel shame for going and asking for help.

The problem with the program (there were a few, but the main one), was that we had to come back for an interview meaning we still didn’t have a place to stay. With the program, we would have had to turn over our electronics and not have any visitors or be able to leave for the first 30 days. This broke me. It meant that I wasn’t going to be able to join my family in honoring my grandpa in Washington D.C. next month. I went to the bathroom and broke down. Literally fell to the floor, weeping. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to go home. If this is where and what G-d had planned, I didn’t want it anymore.

My grandma called right as we left the building. Bless my grandma. I love her dearly and thank G-d for her continuously. She offered insight and sent money for us (technology, wow). Now, we’re staying with our friends back in Colorado for a bit. We’re not sure how long we’ll stay here, but we know that eventually, we will be moving to California. Eventually, we will be where we see G-d sending us, but there’s a pit stop to make before. We’re not entirely sure what He’s up to right now, but we fully trust His plan and timing. We know better than to not trust Him.

Was California everything we thought it would be? No, but we did have all our prayers answered. We did find a place to live (just the town and not an apartment), we did find out how willing we were to stay in California (we looked at homeless shelters), we did keep going. We may be in the wilderness right now, but that’s okay. We may be in the three-month adjustment period after giving birth, but that’s fine. All it means is that we’re still striving. We have a little more work to do and a little more to learn before the big event. It’s the small obediences that are important. If you can do the small, you can do the big. Although California was D I F F I C U L T and T E S T I N G it was a blessing. We saw YHWH work. We saw our future. We saw an opportunity.

This is not the end.

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Christian, Motherhood, The Great Move

Called Out into the Unknown

Two days ago, we set off on our adventure. The last several days have been nothing short of exhausting and exhilarating. I’m constantly in awe of G-d’s goodness.

I feel it necessary to give you the full story on what’s going on in life right now and why. If you read my previous post, We’re Going on an Adventure then you know that Dakota and I packed up everything we could and are moving from Oklahoma to California.

I told you how we have felt a calling to “just go” several times in our relationship, but it was never anything as life-changing as this adventure.

A week ago, we felt a strong calling, pressing, prompting, whatever you want to say, to move to California. Just go.

We kept asking each other, “what do you think that means? Just go.” Following the question with, “it can’t be that simple.”

Friends, it is that simple.

After S E V E R A L confirmations of it being that simple, we decided. We’re just going to pack up and leave Friday, May 3. This happened to be the day Navarone turned 9-months (the timing of all this is bonkers, in my opinion). After two days of downsizing and packing up our house into our Chevrolet Equinox, we headed out of my hometown for Colorado, to spend a couple of nights with one of my best friends (hey, girl I love you and you are a blessing), and now, quite literally right now, we are en route to California.

We still have no place to sleep tonight, other than our car. Our resources are limited. Yet, I’m not filled with worry and anxiety. G-d’s word says, “perfect love drives out fear,” “be anxious about nothing,” and “the Lord is not slow to keep his promises.”

These are Truths that I know full well, I am not afraid of the future. I know this is right. My core knows this is right. My spirit is filling me with joy and excitement. I see that events are about to take place, promises from G-d in years past are about to be fulfilled. The Lord has always provided for Dakota and me. Jehovah Jirah. Always.

Now, if I look at our situation with natural eyes, I see how ridiculous it is. Two twentysomethings, packed up their stuff, their small son, corgi and set out to live in another state they have never been to before, with (starting out before Friday) $140 to use, no place to live and no job. Seriously, I get how naive and irresponsible this all seems. Know, that we tried to plan this out. We tried to have a plan to save and have all our ducks in a row before leaving, and yes we could have kept to that plan. H O W E V E R, we could not shake the thought of it being now or never. We could not  remove from us this feeling of “just go.”

I can’t fully explain this situation in any other words, it’s ordained by G-d. How can I doubt it’ll work out if He’s the source? What evidence do I have that says He won’t come through? All the evidence and knowledge I have proves that He will take care of us. All that I have seen reassures me that we will have food, shelter, and clothes. All that I know is that G-d is good and He works everything out for the good of His people who are called by His name.

I know this is crazy, but I also know this is right. I know what it’s like to hold back and to hesitate on the prompting and how devastating it feels to know that you’ve missed your chance. We have to go to California, even if it’s just to see. There’s something about being obedient that aids in comfort and peace.

Follow His prompting. G-d is able to provide all resources always.

 

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Christian, Motherhood, The Great Move

We’re Going on an Adventure!

One of my favorite series of movies and books are the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings. There is so much goodness in each and I just love everything about them. My absolute favorite part is when a young Bilbo Baggins decides to follow Gandalf. He grabs what he can and busts out the door, running through the Shire shouting “IM GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!”

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I love this scene so much. It really sparks me to go out and do.

My favorite movie is Ben Stiller’s rendition of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Does this movie get me jazzed up. The cinematography,  the directing, editing, literally every piece of it is G E N I U S. Here’s the point, life is in the now, not the what if or could be. It’s now.

We’re going on an adventure!

Dakota and I are moving from small-town Oklahoma to California. We’re moving this Friday, actually. Now, this wasn’t our original plan. Our plan started out as “within the year [2019] we’ll move.” Then it was, “by the end of August.” And then, “after we get back from our trip to D.C. [which is mid-June].” And then, “by the end of May.”

Then we felt a heavy, deep pressing to “just go.”

What does that even mean? We aren’t prepared to “just go.” How do we drop everything, pack up and go? Is it just that simple?

Yes.

In the short days since we’ve felt the burden to just pack up and go, doors have opened in ways we couldn’t have possibly imagined. Opportunities are popping up.

Since we’ve told our friends and family, there has been a blanket of peace and assurance.

Now, I have to give you a brief history of our relationship. We’ve had quite a few “just go”(s) along the way. They’ve all seemed reckless and hasty to the physical eye and in a practical sense, and they all haven’t started out as easy-peasy. We’ve faced some real struggles financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. At the beginning of our marriage, we moved an hour and 30 minutes away from where I was attending university and working. We had zero money and no food; however, we were never hungry and provision was always made for our bills to be paid. In four short months, we learned a lot about depending on G-d for our needs and were able to see Him work miracles. Food would literally show up at our doorstep. Even though the time seemed bleak and made me wonder if we heard correctly, I wouldn’t give up the struggle and the lessons learned. After living there, we broke the lease and moved back to my home town.

We lived there for a couple of years until I finished college and then for a year after, then we heard the call again, “just go.” Back to OKC, we went to a different location this time with different lessons to learn. This was the most bittersweet time for our family. My grandpa ended up battling cancer, he then died (got the ultimate healing is how I like to say it), and while we struggled with his death, I found out I was pregnant with our son.

A month after Navarone was born, we moved again. A way was made for us to go back to my hometown. We’ve been here for eight months. We’ll be moving when Nav hits the nine-month mark. I believe there is something to that timing.

Friends, we’re going on an adventure. I feel the birth pains. The fear and excitement. Peace and nervousness. The Spirit is about to drop and if we don’t go, we will miss it.

To you I want to say, hear the call. Go. G-d wants to do big and grand things through you. Let Him. It might be terrifying, like jumping off the high-dive for the first time, but the joy and peace will kick in.

We’re just going. Packing up what we can fit in the car and what we need.

WE’RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE! Out of the ‘sha, we go.