A few months before I became pregnant with Navarone, my grandpa died. Now, I am no stranger to death. I’ve had several relatives die before my Papa. There was my great-uncle, my other set of grandparents, I’ve seen friends commit suicide, so I’m not a stranger to grief. Yet, this was different.
My Papa was one of my best friends. I knew that if I ever needed anyone or anything, I could count on him. Always. Without question. Even during the few months, he fought cancer before dying, he continued to fight and be there for us all. So when I got the call to rush down to my hometown, and a second call a few minutes later telling me he had died, I couldn’t feel. (I’m honestly surprised that I could see through the tears).
This was a grief I hadn’t experienced. I didn’t know how to properly deal with the emotions that I was feeling, so I didn’t feel them. I would cry now and then. I especially became accustomed to drinking alcohol until I realized the path I was going on and asked for help from the Lord. A couple weeks after that prayer, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.
It was bittersweet. I wanted to be a mom and was joyful about it, but I wished my grandpa could be here to help love on this little one. Being pregnant gave me something to focus on and look forward to, but I still hadn’t quite dealt with the loss I was feeling.
That’s the thing about motherhood. We spend so much energy and time focusing on what’s ahead that we neglect the need to take a minute or two and reflect on what’s already happened. We don’t allow ourselves to fully heal, fully feel or fully be because there’s something else or someone else that needs us.
It wasn’t until last week that I took some time while Navarone was napping to really feel the loss of my grandpa. I took time to cry. As silly as that may sound, I had to schedule a time to feel the grief, acknowledge it so I can begin the process of healing.
There’s power in acknowledging how you feel, especially in negative emotions, and the power is the begin of restoration. Restoring your soul begins in the tears. Repairing the hurt comes from crying out to the Lord.
When it comes to grief, we have to allow ourselves to feel it and thank the Lord in heaven for the time we had with our loved one. We especially have reason to be thankful if they lived their lives for the glory of G-d because that means we’ll see them again.
Mama, I know you have hurt and pain. Feel it. Take control over emotions. Allow restoration and healing to begin in you.