Christian, Motherhood

The #1 Way to Get Out of a Mental Rut

If you follow me on Instagram, then you’ll know that I haven’t been in the best headspace the last couple of days.  This is due to several reasons but ultimately boils down to one primary reason.

For the past month and a half, my husband and I have been on this spiritual rollercoaster. We packed up everything we owned and headed west towards California because we felt impressed to do so (we don’t feel like this action was wrong), but we got there we didn’t find or see any way for us to be able to stay and not live in our car with our infant son and corgi. From California, we headed back to Colorado to stay with some friends for a while and then we made our way back to Oklahoma (our home state).  This last month has been full of big decision making and a lot of uncertainty.

On top of life decisions, we just recently went to Washington D.C. to honor my grandpa’s service in the Vietnam war in a memorial for veterans who have died due to their service. My Papa died nearly two years ago and I’m realizing that I haven’t truly dealt with the grief and that trip brought many feelings up. I’ve been trying to find a time to feel those emotions, but motherhood proves to be an obstacle.

With life’s ups and downs, with emotions trying to come up and be felt, but being stuffed back down, I’ve started to think negatively. I began feeling a total loss of control over everything in my life. I feel as though I’m stuck in a pit and I’m suffocating by my own hand over my mouth. I’m unaware of the air that’s around me trying desperately to breathe life into my body. I’m so focused on working towards getting out of this pit, I don’t see the stairs behind me that reach to the top.

I know why I’ve been feeling so negative lately, other than just having a lot to deal with, it’s because I haven’t been spending a good, quality time with the Lord. I haven’t been doing my Morning M.E.W.S., I’ve been so depressed that it’s difficult to get out of bed until Navarone wakes up and needs me to come to him. It’s difficult to spend the time when Nav is sleeping to do anything other than veg out. It’s been difficult to have the energy to serve.

The number one reason I’ve been in this mental rut is that I haven’t gone to the stairs behind me, which is a metaphor for not going to Jesus for guidance. I’ve been neglecting the most important part of the day and just droning on. I’ve been too busy existing. You know, that’s not a good way to live – it’s not living, actually. Life deserves to be filled with joy. Now, that isn’t to negate what Jesus says about those who follow him suffering, on the contrary. Joy is a choice. It’s saying despite what my situation is I will choose joy. I will choose to go to the Fountain of Joy, the Foutain of Life, the Fountain of Truth; I will choose to go to Jesus and trust in His name and power.

I’m working on going back to that mindset. I’m working on getting through this tough time. I’m working on trusting the Lord to handle all areas of my life. The first step is acknowledging that it’s a daily choice to grow. I choose to grow.

 

Christian, Motherhood

It’s Already Within You

Beloved, it’s already within you. It’s all there. Everything you need. You are more qualified than you know to complete the task set before you. You only have to choose to believe that G-d has chosen you. You have to know who He has called you to be and not accept anything else.

Can I tell you that I know the struggle of believing in who G-d has called me to be? I understand what it means to have the idea you have of yourself questioned. I understand not thinking much of yourself and how difficult it can be to have faith that by calling you to complete whatever task, G-d made the right choice.

For years, I’ve allowed myself to be the wallflower of the group because it was easier to be quiet and appear shy then to explain that I just don’t like idle chatter. I’m not big on small talk, never have been. I want to talk about things that have substance and meaning.

Lately, I’ve been removing from myself the idea that it’s easier to be what other people think of myself and letting who I’ve been made to shine through. It’s kind of funny the reactions I’m receiving from people who have known me for some time. They’re like, “It’s great to see you blossoming.” I know these people mean well and to compliment, but the truth is, I’ve tried to force ministry for years, and years, but it never took root. This, now, is the anointed and appointed time for me to grow into who I’ve been called to be.

I still find it difficult to allow myself to be true. I think of Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation and how he says our true self is in the contemplative state (being connected to G-d) and that we all wear masks. I wonder, what kind of mask are you wearing?

Is it a mask of humility?

Is it a mask of artistry?

Is it a mask of faith?

We all have our mask to overcome and throw away, but why is it that we believe we’re the only ones not being true? Why do we constantly act like we don’t have enough for all we encounter? Why do we allow ourselves to believe that we’re not good being who we’ve been made to be or called to be? Who am I to question if G-d made the right choice in choosing me to be His mouthpiece? Did He not create and form mouths? Did He not give words to Moses or to all the prophets? Is His son not words embodied?

How long will I let myself wear this mask?

When will I step into my true self?

How long will you let yourself wear your mask? 

Are you ready to be your truest self?

IMG_3241

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christian, Motherhood

Kill the Weeds, See the Fruit.

Today is one of those mornings that self-employed mamas dream of. I woke up and Navarone was still sound asleep. It’s been a peaceful and quiet morning. I’ve taken care of the pets. I’ve read my devotional and did some extra word study (something I thought I wouldn’t be able to do anymore after having Nav). I would recommend BibleHub.com if you want to start digging deeper into your understanding of G-d’s word. Anyways, I’ve done all my morning chores. I want to write. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted a blog and I want to write. I do what I always do before writing, I ask the Lord for inspiration and the words. I have no real topic come to me. Just the feeling and desire to write.

This is when I have to trust the Lord, deeply. I have to trust that the words I’ve already put down and the ones coming are all being Divinely downloaded into my brain.

Yesterday, I mowed our yard. We have a G I A N T front yard and back yard and most of it is weeds, not grass. We’ve haven’t been able to mow because of the rain. I finally was able to get out there yesterday. It took nearly three hours. Three hours. Our mower has a tendency to stop, which makes the process frustrating, difficult and take longer to complete. While mowing, I was thinking (I had a lot of time to think) that the first mow of the year is always the hardest. It’s the one where you REALLY have to put in the work. It’s the one where the yard seems to fight back. It’s the one where you have to really want the yard mowed and be determined to reach your goal no matter how long, hard or frustrating it might be, you gotta want it. One of my favorite things about mowing is being able to instantly see the progress and how much is left until I reach my goal.

The same can be said about our Divinely Anointed goals. When you first start out, it’s difficult. The first blog post, the first picture, the first song, the first step of faith is always the most difficult. When I first started this blog as more than just a diary, when I made my facebook and Instagram pages as more than memory holders, it was difficult to believe that it was what G-d asked of me. It was difficult to put myself out there. I had all those insecure thoughts of what other people would think. I had thoughts of people thinking I was some weird, hippie-dippy pagan for being a Spiritual life coach. It’s been about six months since I’ve started this journey, but it’s been about three months since I’ve truly chosen this path. It has not been easy to write, to podcast or simply put myself out there. It has not been easy to promote myself and what I offer. In a way, my insecurities and fears have been the weeds within the yard of my heart and mind. I have to fight the dead plants to let the fruit-bearing plants live, thrive and blossom.

What are your weeds? Do you want to see what could grow?

Since truly deciding that this is my Kingdom work, I’ve seen growth. I’ve seen followers increase and I’ve heard of people gaining insight from the word’s G-d has given me to speak. I see fruits beginning to bud out and it is beautiful.

Beloved, do not let your weeds rule your life. Do not accept that you’re not good enough. You are more than enough. Do you want to know how I know this? All I have to do is look at the cross. Jesus’s death screams, “YOU are Worth it.”

The first step of obedience is always the hardest, but I promise you, it’ll get easier. Rather, it becomes more worth it. No matter what others think. No matter the cost. It’s worth it. He’s worth it. You are worth it.

IMG_3239.PNG

 

Uncategorized

The Power of Choice

There is an incredible power we as humans possess, it’s the power to choose. It’s an innate ability that has been within us since the dawn of creation. G-d instilled the freedom to choose to either obey him or not. He’s always given us the option.

There were two “special” trees in the Garden of Eden, the one we all know about – the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil – and the Tree of Eternal Life. We were only instructed to not eat of one but were able to choose to eat of either. It was after we ate from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil that G-d took away the option to eat of the Tree of Eternal Life. He didn’t want to be forever separated from us, which is what would have happened if we had eaten from both.

Now, you and I have the option to choose life. Jesus gave us a way to an eternal and righteous life and we get to choose each day, each minute, each second what spirit we will align with (Joshua 24:14-15). We can either choose to align with G-d’s Spirit, our human spirit or the other (demons, Satan, the Tempter). When we align with G-d’s Spirit, the Holy Spirit, we align with love, peace, joy, abundance and all Good. We get to live in Truth. This is not always an easy choice to make, sometimes it takes a second or two to notice that your spirit is leaning towards the other or towards being apathetic.

Here’s the great thing though, you get to choose. You have the power to say, hey I don’t like this, but how would Love interact or behave? You get to choose to be Light, Grace, and Peace. You get to choose to live in Truth or to not. You have the power to say, I want Joy and Life, sweet abundant Life and then choose it. Sometimes the choice will seem like a bit of a sacrifice because your human spirit wants to go towards the other or the natural – that’s due to being separated from G-d’s spirit after Eden.

Choose this day who you will serve. I implore you to choose Life.

joshua 24.15

P.S. You can hear more about this on my podcast, Combat the Identity Crisis with Tabatha Whiteside, which you can find on the anchor app (soon to be on all podcast streaming services). I would encourage you to listen to Episode 01: My Heart & Your True Self (for your convenience I’ve got it here for you)

Remember to follow me on Instagram and Facebook to keep up-to-date with the happenings of life, to be encouraged and loved.