Christian, Motherhood

The #1 Way to Get Out of a Mental Rut

If you follow me on Instagram, then you’ll know that I haven’t been in the best headspace the last couple of days.  This is due to several reasons but ultimately boils down to one primary reason.

For the past month and a half, my husband and I have been on this spiritual rollercoaster. We packed up everything we owned and headed west towards California because we felt impressed to do so (we don’t feel like this action was wrong), but we got there we didn’t find or see any way for us to be able to stay and not live in our car with our infant son and corgi. From California, we headed back to Colorado to stay with some friends for a while and then we made our way back to Oklahoma (our home state).  This last month has been full of big decision making and a lot of uncertainty.

On top of life decisions, we just recently went to Washington D.C. to honor my grandpa’s service in the Vietnam war in a memorial for veterans who have died due to their service. My Papa died nearly two years ago and I’m realizing that I haven’t truly dealt with the grief and that trip brought many feelings up. I’ve been trying to find a time to feel those emotions, but motherhood proves to be an obstacle.

With life’s ups and downs, with emotions trying to come up and be felt, but being stuffed back down, I’ve started to think negatively. I began feeling a total loss of control over everything in my life. I feel as though I’m stuck in a pit and I’m suffocating by my own hand over my mouth. I’m unaware of the air that’s around me trying desperately to breathe life into my body. I’m so focused on working towards getting out of this pit, I don’t see the stairs behind me that reach to the top.

I know why I’ve been feeling so negative lately, other than just having a lot to deal with, it’s because I haven’t been spending a good, quality time with the Lord. I haven’t been doing my Morning M.E.W.S., I’ve been so depressed that it’s difficult to get out of bed until Navarone wakes up and needs me to come to him. It’s difficult to spend the time when Nav is sleeping to do anything other than veg out. It’s been difficult to have the energy to serve.

The number one reason I’ve been in this mental rut is that I haven’t gone to the stairs behind me, which is a metaphor for not going to Jesus for guidance. I’ve been neglecting the most important part of the day and just droning on. I’ve been too busy existing. You know, that’s not a good way to live – it’s not living, actually. Life deserves to be filled with joy. Now, that isn’t to negate what Jesus says about those who follow him suffering, on the contrary. Joy is a choice. It’s saying despite what my situation is I will choose joy. I will choose to go to the Fountain of Joy, the Foutain of Life, the Fountain of Truth; I will choose to go to Jesus and trust in His name and power.

I’m working on going back to that mindset. I’m working on getting through this tough time. I’m working on trusting the Lord to handle all areas of my life. The first step is acknowledging that it’s a daily choice to grow. I choose to grow.

 

Christian, Motherhood

Take Care of Yourself First, and Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty for it.

Mama, I know what it’s like thinking that to be the best mom means putting everyone and everything else in front of taking care of yourself. I know that you think it’s the best thing to do for your family. I know that you tell yourself, tomorrow I’ll take a few minutes for myself, tomorrow I’ll do it. I know that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom, feeling overwhelmed, possibly crying because you can’t do it all and that must mean you’re a failure. I know that you need a break.

Mama, you need to rest. You need to start each day seeking Jesus’s sweet spirit and put yourself first, in order to be the best mama your family needs and deserves.

How you can expect to disciple other’s if you can’t even disciple yourself? It’s foolish to think that you can guide others to Christ if you don’t know the path yourself. This is why you must put yourself first and not feel guilty for it.

The top three reasons to take care of yourself and why you shouldn’t feel guilty for it.

1) You’re no good to anyone if you’re burnout.

I know as mothers our first instinct to make sure our families are taken care of. We will starve ourselves of all nourishment if it means that our children have their needs met. Especially new moms. New moms will go without basic needs in order to care for their newborn.

When I first took Navarone home, I was wiped out and recovering from major surgery, yet my brain didn’t care that I was in agony. It just needed to make sure Nav was cared for. I could only focus on taking care of him because he’s what mattered. It would make Dakota quite upset because I wasn’t “taking it easy,” but how do moms “take it easy?”

It quickly got to a point where I was beyond exhausted. My body was in need of some serious rest. Did you know that burnout is now considered a syndrome?

If you’ve never felt burnt out over something, let me quickly explain what it feels like; you don’t have energy, passion or desire to do “it” anymore. You just can’t go on.

Did you know the reason you’re supposed to put your oxygen mask on first, in the event of an airplane crash, is because you’re no good to anyone if you’ve passed out from lack of oxygen? The same is true in your spiritual life and that bleeds over into the physical.

Mama, you have to put yourself in YHWH’s presence. It’s always available to you, but you have to choose to recognize it. Jesus is always there.

If you renew yourself daily, find peace and sovereignty in the morning before dealing with husbands, children and the hustle and bustle then you’re going to be in a better mental state to handle whatever or however, the day goes.

2) You’re Called

You are called to take accountability for your relationship with Christ. At the end of it all, you will be judged on how you conducted yourself and the excuse of “life” won’t cover your lack of a relationship.

Let me be very blunt, you need to take ownership of your life and your relationship. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to make sure you read, meditate and pray. I will not be judged for your lack of care, only my lack.

You are called to meditate on G-d’s word. You are called to be in continual prayer. You are called to be a shining example to your children on how to follow Christ.

You can’t expect the church to do all the work for you. Trust me. You have to walk the walk if you’re going to talk the talk.

3) There is Rest in the Searching

I can tell you with 100% certainty that starting your day in quiet, surrender and focus on G-d will make your day better. I can tell you that there is peace in the morning.

As mothers, we lack feeling rested. We can sometimes miss the blessing of being a mom. We can forget that this is one of the highest callings any human can be given. You have to recharge each day. If you start the day in humble surrender to the Lord, giving Him all of you and your day, He will give you rest. He will give you wisdom and peace. He will grant you the strength to get through whatever you have to go through.

You have to start your day off on the right foot. This might mean waking up 30 minutes to an hour before you’re used to, or you really want to. Do it. It’s worth the sacrifice. Follow my Morning M.E.W.S. program.

Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty for Taking Care of Yourself First.

I’ve already said it, but just in case it didn’t sink in, you’re no good to anyone if you’re burnout. There’s truly no point in trying if you are suffocating. You’ll begin to act in a way that is not honoring to G-d and will hurt yourself and those around you.

If you don’t take care of yourself first, then you can’t properly take care of anyone else. Imagine feeling burnt out like being a raggedy doll. If a doll has all the stuffing bursting out and seams missing it’s a bit useless as something to have fun with, the same image can be used for a worn-out mom. What fun can you have with your children or vice versa, if you’re literally dragging your feet and just trying to get through the day? How many precious moments do you miss existing that way?

Don’t you want to experience life? Then focus your gaze on the One who gives life and everything else will come into perfect 20/20 vision. You’ll be aware of things that others might miss, you’ll be able to enjoy life and you’ll have more peace.

Christian, Motherhood

Morning M.E.W.S.

The recipe to waking up fully aligned with the Holy Spirit and ready to get the work done. This is my personal morning routine, I do this before doing any sort of work. I’ll grab a cup of water, let the dog out and then get to work.

The Morning M.E.W.S., in my opinion, has helped my mental state tremendously. Let me give you a bit of my mental history before we get into the routine.

To say that I’ve always dealt with anxiety would be an extremely accurate statement, there have been many times that my mom would tell me she could feel my worry while in her womb. I remember being a small child and thinking of the worst possible outcomes for any situation and most of the time not being willing to try something out of the fear that something bad would happen. When I began driving I would constantly think about getting into a wreck. Teenage years were also when a fell into a deep depression, it was to the point of considering committing suicide and attempting a few times.

The depression consumed me. I didn’t talk with my parents about what I was feeling, so I mentally shutdown. I numbed myself out. I became an emotionally zombie. I hated feeling nothing, but I didn’t want to feel saddness and pain anymore so numb it was. This was when the Lord lead me to heavier music (underOath, As I Lay Dying, TDWP, etc.) and I credit this music to saving me from myself. It allowed me a voice and escape when I didn’t know what else to do. Slowly, I began to feel emotions again. I remember laughing for the first time in a long time and how joyful it felt.

For years, I still felt and struggled with depression and anxiety, but it wasn’t as strong as it had been in years past. My mom took me to the doctor to talk with her about my mental state and I was proscribed some anti-depressant. This medicine took me back to feeling numb. I absoultely hated how it made me feel nothing, so I stopped taking it. It wasn’t until I started working in the food industry that my anxiety really took ahold of me. I remember my boss coming to me and offering a “less stressful” positon, but the root of my problems wasn’t the job. It was life.

Years later, I’m married and we’re expecting Navarone. Knowing that I struggled with depression and anxiety before child, I felt it necessary to start the conversation with my ob/gyn early. I needed to have answers on what to do if I start noticing those feelings come up. She would check in with me, as would Dakota (my husband), and she would offer medication, if I wanted to take it. With my previous experience being on that medication, I didn’t want to take anything. I’m also a pretty holistic healing kind of person. I’d rather try home remedies, food and teas, before over the counter medication.

Navarone arrived and I felt joy, but a disconnect. I felt so out of my body. When we got home, I tried getting back into my morning routine, but it was a struggle. For the first few months, I wasn’t able to really connect with G-d in the way that I had known. One Wednesday, Dakota and I are back in my hometown, and I go visit our old church. It was the second wendesday of the month, which means the men and women separate into their respective ministries. This woman comes up to me and offers to hold Navarone while I worship and pray. After awhile, she asks how everything is going. I tell her my struggle with finding time to be with G-d. She says, “sometimes there are seasons where we have to learn a different way to study. You might need to just listen to the word, or worship songs.”

Thus, we get to the Morning M.E.W.S., before I start I must say that I am not affiliated with the apps I’ll be mentioning. I’ve used them for years, previous to starting this morning routine and adore them. With that, lets get started on the best morning routine for the busy mama who needs time with the Lord (and anyone else).

M is for Meditation

Meditation is not just a Buddhist practice. Mediation is not from the devil and it’s not evil. Did you know that we are instucted to mediation on G-d’s word? Meditation is a way to focus on one thing, it’s practicing mindfulness. In this step, I use the Abide Meditation app and I’ll listen to the daily meditation for 10-15 minutes. Now, in all transparency, I pay for the yearly subscription and I have for a couple of years now, so I can’t recall if you can listen to the longer mediation with the free account, but I know you’ll have either 2-5 minutes on the daily meditation. That’s really a good start for getting into this routine.

If you don’t want to use the app mentioned, then I would recommend finding a playlist on YouTube or something else to help you get in the habit of meditation being specific to meditating on the word of G-d.

With meditation, do everything you can to remove distractions from the room and your mind. Focus on what the speaker is saying about that day’s verse and commit to hearing from the Lord. He will speak to you each day, if you take the time to listen.

After listening to the meditation, I will then go into whatever devotional I’ve been studying. Usually using one from the YouVersion Bible app, but I do have several physical books that I’ll go through. This is important for you to take the time to actively read the word. To go in and study.

Growth comes from discipline.

E is for Expression

Expression is vocalizing all the G-d calls over you. I believe heavily in the power of words. I believe in speaking life and death over someone, something or some situation, so I try my hardest to be careful about the words that I choose to speak out. With expression, I choose to speak out who I’m called to me and I take the time to remind myself of my true identity, which is found in Christ.

I will say, again out loud, who I am to Him. Here’s how mine goes, feel free to create one that suits you or use this until you get the groove of it.

I am a daughter of the Most High G-d. I am the Head and not the Tail. I am anointed with the Holy oil of Heaven. I am a warrior in the army of the Kingdom of Heaven. I am called. I am more than a conquorer, I am an overcomer.

Once I’ve said all these things, I’ll take the time I need to truly feel these. Some days it’s difficult to feel like a warrior or anoited, but I’ll ask for the Holy Spirit to help me feel the strength I need.

W is for Writing

Once I’ve studied and spoken over myself, I’ll write. I’ll write out whatever is on my heart and mind. If it’s insecurities and fear, I’ll write out all that I’m feeling and then I’ll rewrite the story. I’ll do the work to see the Truth of a situation.

Next, I’ll write in my prayer jounal. I always start my morning prayers with thanksgiving. I thank G-d for another day, breath in my lungs and so on. Then I’ll express what I’ve been writing about to Him. All my fears, my insecurities and frustrations. I’m completely honest with how I’m feeling and what I’m needing from Him. I believe that He will honor that honesty and transparency. Truthfully, I feel a weight lifted off of me when I’m honest with Him about everything, even if it’s me being upset and angry with a situation. I always end with asking for His wisdom about the situation.

S is for Serving

Now that I’ve discipled myself and done the work to put my spirit in alignment with the Holy Spirit, I’m ready to do the most important and necessary part of the morning. I ready my mind, heart, spirit and body to be of service to those around me. I ask for the words and actions to speak and do for that day, then I simply do the work. For me, that’s writing on my blog, posting on Instagram and allowing my experiences and insight to help others. This also means that I do what’s necessary to take care of Navarone and Dakota, my husband.

That’s the Morning M.E.W.S., I promise if you do this every morning for a month, you’ll start to feel joy and peace. I won’t promise you that you will never struggle mentally again, if you don’t Praise G-d. If you do still struggle, praise G-d even still. I still have days where I battle mentally, but those days are fewer and fewer the longer I do this practice. Their duration is not nearly as long and the control depression and anxiety has over me has significantly weakened.

Christian, Motherhood, The Great Move

Breathe Life Into It

This past Sunday, Dakota and I went down to pray for direction. As you know G-d has asked for a bit of blind faith from us lately, with moving to California, then not finding a place and now living a vagabond lifestyle. We’ve just been searching for some clarity on what our next steps, so when it was time for prayer in the service, we went down to pray. The couple that prayed with us are like a another set of parents for us. Before praying, the man said that the day before he was reading Ezekiel and the scripture of the valley of dry bones. He pointed out that there was different layers of prophecy Ezekiel had to speak out before the bones came to life. He had to command the bones to rejoin, then he had to command the wind to breathe life into the bones.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been working at making the work I’ve been doing profitable. I’ve been grinding my butt off reading, studying, investing and trying to make this blog, coaching, influencer work into income. There are a few reasons for this goal. The first is the calling. I hear a calling to help bring peace and joy into lives, for awhile I had the broad idea of women, but I’ve come to realize that my heart is for mamas, specifically new mamas struggling mentally with motherhood. This is a struggle I have, so if I can help other mamas deal with it and learn to not let it control them that’s what I’ll do. The second reason is to provide for my little family. Dakota and I have always struggled financially in our marriage. We’ve always busted our butts trying to make ends meet and get to the goal of stability. Now, we’ve always been taken care of (G-d is so good to us) and we’ve got a good safety net for family, but I don’t want to depend on my family as much as we do.

I feel a sense of responsibility to take care of our family on our own. I desire to be able to let Dakota live out his dreams of music and cooking, while I work on my dream of writing, public speaking and coaching. I desire for us to live our the purpose and calling that has been placed on us, but life has been throwing hurdles at us.

Back to work I’ve been doing, this morning when I woke up I heard “breathe life into it.” Now, I’ve been asking for wisdom on what that means because I thought I was doing that – rejoining bones and breathing life into my work. But have I? I’ve been so focused on trying to do everything myself. I’ve been trying REALLY hard to control all of this business when I don’t know it all. I’ve tried to learn, enrolled in a few classes, struggled and I’m still left with a pile of bones.

So, I’m thinking the answer is to let go. You know, I have friends who have degrees in the areas that I am so lost in. Why have I not reached out to them for help? Why don’t I get a team behind me that helps lift me up, but I in turn can help lift up myself? I’m trying so hard to work towards the joy and abundance promised me through the work that brings me the most joy and clarity, why keep it all to myself?

Maybe that’s the missing link. I need to allow life to be brought into this business and ministry. I need to allow it to be the community I see it being. I need to work with and collaborate. We are not meant to do this alone, so why continue struggling to do it alone?

For you, if you’re struggling with something that you’ve been really working on, I advise reading Ezekiel 37. Read it and step back to take a different look at the situation, do you have just a pile of bones? Do you need to breathe life into the situation? Do you need to ask for help? It’s not weak to ask for help. It’s not a sign of stupidity to acknowledge that you don’t know something. It’s acceptable to ask someone who knows more than you to work alongside you. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Allow yourself the freedom and liberty of collaborating with someone.

Christian, Motherhood

The loneliness of a Mother

Motherhood. A truly powerful state of being, yet with all its power can feel like you’re on the loneliest island. What’s worse is the loneliness creeps in, slowly soaking away until you’ve isolated yourself and allow it to cover you like invasive vines. This feeling crept in a few weeks after having my son, at the time my husband and I lived about an hour away from friends and family. It was difficult adjusting to taking care of a child while recovering from having a c-section. I spent most of my days alone in the house. I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t talk to or message anyone. It was just me and the baby. I was having to learn how to take care of this little bean while also trying to take care of myself – I felt like a failure. I felt like I shouldn’t be a mom. I felt like I didn’t belong.

I felt like I was a fraud. I didn’t know how to be a mom, yet whenever I was around people they would tell me how good of a mother I was since I didn’t believe it I felt I was deceiving them.

How could I be a good mother? Me?

I felt out of place. It was like I no longer had control or a say over my body. I was just floating around. Not the good floating where you’re on cloud nine and nothing is going to bring you down. It was like I wasn’t even alive anymore and my spirit was floating towards the ceiling of the house.

I felt so alone. I know in the physical I wasn’t alone. My husband would help with Nav, as much as he could, when he got home from work. My family members and friends would have been willing to help had I asked for it. But I didn’t ask. I didn’t even know how to ask for help. I thought if I asked then that would solidify the thoughts I was having of being a bad mom, of not being legitimate, of not being qualified or worthy of being a mama.

Loneliness is something that I wish I had warned about and that I wish I was more aware of when my friends were having babies. I didn’t realize until experiencing it myself, the depth of feeling alone. I never want another mother to feel alone.

If I’ve completely transparent, I still feel lonely at times. I still feel isolated and unworthy of being Navarone’s mom. I still struggle with trying to put on the mask of having it all figured out. I know I don’t have it all figured out, but I also know that it’s okay and acceptable to not have it all figured out.

If you’re struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. I’m here with you and many other mothers are too. We’re in this together. Reach out to those around you or send me a message on Instagram or email me. I’m there for you.

Christian, Motherhood

Stay Pure

I grew up in the “purity culture” as I’m sure you did, too. If you spent any amount of time in the church in the early 2000s, you were definitely offered a speech about staying sexually pure and then, “hey buy this ring as a statement of your commitment to not have sex.”

The problem is, most of us didn’t take it seriously because mom and dad just bought us a ring in the hopes that it would magically change into a belt. No one truly explained that being pure is more than about not having sex (because sex in and of itself is not impure). Sex is a beautiful, intimate way to be close to your spouse. Sex is designed to be between a man and a woman, who have been joined together through marriage. (I know I’ll more than likely offend someone who reads this, that’s not my intention, but I can’t withhold explaining the Truth out of fear of offense).

The point that the “purity culture” left out is that we are called to live a pure life. Jesus says, “blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see G-d.”

Purity is much more than not having sex before marriage. It’s more than causing fear around having sex. Let me be honest with you, I was so afraid to have sex with Dakota when we got married. It took a while to mentally allow myself to have sex. I shouldn’t have been full of this fear, but there it was and I had to deal with it. This is due to not fully taking about sex, except to say bad things happen when you do it before its intended time.

Purity is about having a life of purity. It’s about doing the work to be made pure. Once you’ve accepted Christ Jesus as the Messiah, the sacrifice of Heaven, the way to G-d and confess that you have shortcomings, you have internal work to do, you have disobeyed the law of G-d, you have been made spotless. Now, you have to do that internal work, the work of discipline and righteousness to stay pure.

It would be so convenient if we didn’t have to constantly choose how our spirit is going to align (with G-d’s spirit or the other), but we do. That’s where and why the work of purity comes in. That’s why you need to wake up every day and choose to align with the Holy Spirit. You put yourself in a place to be a better follower than you were yesterday. You choose to be purer today, then you have been in the past. The beauty of waking up is that it’s an act of grace and mercy from G-d, it’s a second chance to get it right. You don’t have to continue on in the way that you’ve been going.

Purity is about much more than keeping your legs closed. It’s much more than waiting until your married. It’s a daily, life-long act of service and love to the One who made you, covered your disobedience and continues to call you closer to him.

PS If you’ve been wanting to have a way to start every day in alignment with G-d, but don’t know how. Let me tell you about my Morning M.E.W.S. program. This will get you up and ready to act as the servant you’re called to be. This will start you off on the right foot. Message me on Instagram or email me for a discovery call and we’ll get to work.

Christian, Motherhood

Where’s Your Head?

On my Chromebook and iMac, I have the Chrome extension “News Feed Eradicator.” Simply because when I get on either, my mission is to get to work, get done and move on with my day. I don’t want to waste time phubbing through my Facebook news feed. I just want to do the work.

If you’re not familiar with the extension, briefly it removes your news feed and replaces it with a quote.

Navarone woke up about an hour ago wanting to be fed, so I fed him and as is the way my life goes, I cannot go back to sleep (it’s about 15 past midnight). While I wait for the melatonin in my brain to kick back in, I thought I would get up and check notifications. I avoid my phone and pick up my Chromebook.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

~ Thomas Jefferson

Here’s what I picked up on from this quote, “nothing on earth can help,” no physical thing can help you if you’re mind isn’t right. It’s only in the spiritual where you find help. If you want to see your dreams come true, you gotta believe they can and will.

Where’s your head? What do your thoughts say about you?

Are you thinking positively, or do you only see “what’s wrong” with your life?

Now, I am not belittling the struggle and battle of mental illness. As someone who has quite literally fought anxiety, depression, and self-doubt my whole life, I know that it can be a real fight to have positive thoughts. That being said, I know that it is possible to be free from negativity. I know that my mental state today is LIGHTYEARS better than where it was even just a year or two ago.

Where’s your head?

Do you see yourself accomplishing your goals? Do you have goals?

Studies show that goals, even small ones, help us feel less stressed and joyful. I think about a study done with children. In the study, the children are taken to a fenced-in playground and allowed to run free. They run all along the perimeter alongside the fence. The next time they go to the playground the fence has been removed, yet they’re allowed to run around. This time, without a fence, instead of running alongside the perimeter of the playground they stay in the center. They’re brought back to the playground again, with a fence. The same thing as the first time, they play all along the fence.

I see goals as the fence. It allows us to run up to something, and see safety in it. They show us where our head is at and gives us something to focus our thoughts on.

I believe that G-d gives us goals. He gives us dreams and desires and makes a way for us to achieve those goals. He makes it possible.

As a spiritual life coach, I help women find goals. I help women hear the Holy Spirit’s voice planting desires and dreams into their hearts. I get to see the mindset shifts and help to rewrite whatever false story, identity or narrative they’ve been telling themselves.

It’s a blessing to have this type of ministry. It’s a blessing to share in goals. I want to help women in life, business, and their relationship with the Lord. I want to help breath life into women’s lives by healing body, mind, and spirit.

I desire to help reset the mind, body, and spirit.

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Christian

Out of the Wilderness – Overcoming the Doubt

As I told you a couple of days ago, I have been fighting doubt. It’s been a battle that I’ve been struggling with for a few weeks now (more intensely, but if I’m honest it’s been a lifelong struggle). I also told you about the wilderness and its meaning. I’ll link that post here, but as a quick refresher the wilderness is the state where your spirit is completely aligned with the Holy Spirit, it has no doubt, fear, lack of trust within it, but your body and mind seem to be lagging behind. Essentially, the wilderness is Jesus asking, “do you trust me? Keep walking.”

You have to answer. Are you going to keep walking and be gracious with yourself until your mind and body meet your spirit? Or are you going to say forget it and try to find your own way out of the desert?

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Well, I’ve been D E E P within the wilderness these last few weeks. I mean, I’ve been surrounded by sand and barren land with no end in sight. It’s seemed like everyone around me is merely a mirage. It’s been a struggle to have joy and certainty in the decisions I’ve been making, but it’s not like I’m unsure about what I’m doing in a “maybe this isn’t the right choice” kind of way. It’s been more of a “this doesn’t make sense to me, but I know the Lord is asking me to do this, so here we go” way. The path I’m been led on doesn’t make sense in the physical and I’m having a hard time seeing the bigger picture. I see the goal, but I cannot see how the pieces and steps I’m taking meet up to the goal.

That’s fine though. We’re not always going to see the bigger picture or how the pieces fully match up. That’s what faith is for and it’s G-d’s job to be the puzzle player. He’s the one who can see the bigger picture (after all it’s His picture to make) and we just need to believe that the pieces are being put in the right place.

Now, I’ve been in this wilderness, but I’m starting to see the end of the desert. I’m feeling joyful again. I finally feel the alignment of body, mind, and spirit. I’m slowly seeing the pieces match up.

Friends, I need you to know that there is a way out of the wilderness. I know that it may seem like there is no way out. I know how difficult it can be to just keep walking. I understand how barren, desolate and hopeless the wilderness can feel, but it’s not the end. It’s only the beginning. I share my struggle with you like encouragement and inspiration. If Jesus led me out the wilderness than He’ll lead you. He’s leading you. If you’re full of doubt, fear, lack of trust, anxiety, depression or anything else, know that it’s not forever. Believe that He can take it away from you. It might be instantly or it may take some time, but believe and trust that it will come to you.

If you’re D E E P within the wilderness and need some personalize insight or guidance, message me on Facebook or Instagram. I want to help you. You are not alone in the wilderness and it’s not a sign of being forsaken. You are being drawn closer to Jesus, just keep walking.

Christian, Motherhood

How’s That Egg?

Today, I heard G-d ask me, “How’s that egg on your face?”

“It’s wonderful and really annoying, thanks,” was all I could think.

Today, I learned a lesson. You don’t know who is listening, watching or reading what you’re doing. You just don’t always know who is paying attention to you. It can have you thinking that no one is watching or paying attention. Guess what. G-d is always watching and attentive and if you ask for correction or for the lesson to learn, He’ll give it.

Boy, does He give it. You might even hear, “How’s that egg on your face?” for yourself.

I have had this weird grudge and competition with a couple of people for the last couple of weeks. I have felt real annoyance seeing their posts on social media and it’s bad. It was bad, I should say. Well, today I received a message from one of them about my blog and how much that person loved it. They told me how much they thought what I was talking about is needed and that it’s great that I’m putting stuff out.

[cue egg]

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As you know, I have been filled with doubt. I have been questioning what I’m doing and wondering if I’m making the right calls. It’s been such a stinking battle I just can’t even explain it fully. Who is the person that G-d used to show me I’m doing just as He’s asking? That I am doing what I need to be doing? This person that I’ve had a jaded attitude towards.

Friends, correct yourself. Check and cleanse your heart and mind. Don’t let yourself continue on ignoring the negative thoughts and feelings you have towards another, otherwise, you’ll end up with egg on your face too.

If you’re wondering why I thought having egg on my face is wonderful and annoying, well I want to grow and become better, so I know I need to go through these lessons, but that doesn’t mean it’s always fun.

Christian, Motherhood

It’s Already Within You

Beloved, it’s already within you. It’s all there. Everything you need. You are more qualified than you know to complete the task set before you. You only have to choose to believe that G-d has chosen you. You have to know who He has called you to be and not accept anything else.

Can I tell you that I know the struggle of believing in who G-d has called me to be? I understand what it means to have the idea you have of yourself questioned. I understand not thinking much of yourself and how difficult it can be to have faith that by calling you to complete whatever task, G-d made the right choice.

For years, I’ve allowed myself to be the wallflower of the group because it was easier to be quiet and appear shy then to explain that I just don’t like idle chatter. I’m not big on small talk, never have been. I want to talk about things that have substance and meaning.

Lately, I’ve been removing from myself the idea that it’s easier to be what other people think of myself and letting who I’ve been made to shine through. It’s kind of funny the reactions I’m receiving from people who have known me for some time. They’re like, “It’s great to see you blossoming.” I know these people mean well and to compliment, but the truth is, I’ve tried to force ministry for years, and years, but it never took root. This, now, is the anointed and appointed time for me to grow into who I’ve been called to be.

I still find it difficult to allow myself to be true. I think of Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation and how he says our true self is in the contemplative state (being connected to G-d) and that we all wear masks. I wonder, what kind of mask are you wearing?

Is it a mask of humility?

Is it a mask of artistry?

Is it a mask of faith?

We all have our mask to overcome and throw away, but why is it that we believe we’re the only ones not being true? Why do we constantly act like we don’t have enough for all we encounter? Why do we allow ourselves to believe that we’re not good being who we’ve been made to be or called to be? Who am I to question if G-d made the right choice in choosing me to be His mouthpiece? Did He not create and form mouths? Did He not give words to Moses or to all the prophets? Is His son not words embodied?

How long will I let myself wear this mask?

When will I step into my true self?

How long will you let yourself wear your mask? 

Are you ready to be your truest self?

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